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Joke of the Day

"I hired a PR team. They said the public would like me more if I stopped executing people. I executed the PR team."

"The neighbors yard smells like weed. I'm glad those seeds I threw over the fence are starting to grow."

"Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate"

"A flying pig defecated on me today. I shit you not."

"*good cop/bad cop interrogation* *good cop is nice to the suspect* *bad cop shoots good cop and sets suspect free* man he's a bad cop"

"A guy just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy."

"How can you tell if someone's a Vegan? Don't worry... they'll tell you."

"What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association."

"Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?"

"Bros were dying to know the song I had playing on the gym speakers, said it activated beast mode for them. It was ""Tracy chapman - fast car"""