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Joke of the Day

"ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude"

"What do you call a girl gamer that always pirates her games?? A crack whore."

"I fell in love with a cannibal And then she stole my heart"

"Today I saw two dogs make hot streamy love on the roadside. It's really hurtful to see your ex moving on so quickly."

"What is the fastest insect in the World? ""Lice"" Why? ... Because it is latching on a running Cheetah."

"Why did the bread machine go to see a therapist? It was too self-loafing."

"Eating at a T.G.I. Fridays on a Monday tastes like lies."

"Ladies, they're called ""Skinny Jeans."" Not ""Makes You Skinny Jeans."""

"Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?"

"My Grandpa said to me the other day, ""Your generation relies too much on technology"" I replied, "" no your generation relies too much on technology"" then I unplugged his life support. Stupid asshole"