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Joke of the Day

"I just bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day"

"Me: Hi, what's a good school binder for my 10yo girl here? Clerk: Trapper Keeper? Me: Haha, no, she's my own daughter."

"Every squirrel is a flying squirrel if you've got a good throwing arm."

"What is a bachelor's favorite fruit? Cantaloupe"

"Don't sleep with family members... ...no matter how much they incest."

"What do you call a cow that goes online? An eMoo."

"Are Koalas bears? No, they're marsupials But they have the right koalafications to be a bear"

"I'm taking part in the Hillsborough triathlon today! Football, squash, and fencing."

"Why did Simba's dad die? Because he didn't Muv-fasta"

"I'm dreading summer because I'll be subjected to my Facebook friends' pictures of the temperature readout from inside their vehicles."