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Joke of the Day

"She sells sea shells, to multi-national oil drilling companies who use them as their logo, by the sea shore."

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"""Wife stabs husband with squirrel"" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?"

"TIFU By posting in the wrong subreddit"

"Something my friend said during our darkest hour of finals cramming I'm wearing my Seahawks jersey to the exam tomorrow. That way I'll pass even though we all know I shouldn't."

"He's making a list, He's checking it twice. And now I'm falling asleep. And she's calling a cab."

"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?"

"I hate when movies use that fakey ""55555"" ZIP code so pranksters won't try mailing letters & postcards to the characters."

"I remember when the History Channel actually played MUSIC!"

"My new cat, John Cena, wants me to remind y'all to never let your kids name your pets."