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Joke of the Day

"Jamie on FB just took a quiz to find out what type of flower she is. She's a vibrant poppy. Weird, all this time I thought she was human."

"Who said ""Shiver me timbers!"" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew."

"Alcohol & Fanta If I Drink Alcohol , I m Alcoholic... If I Drink Fanta, M I Fantastic...?"

"I would walk barefoot over hot koalas for you."

"What's a gay man's favorite planet? Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars."

"Q: How can you tell if a cat is blonde? A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head."

"Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft... Get tone of A Flat Miner."

"I can tell everything I need to know about your business by the thickness of your bathroom toilet paper."

"*runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*"

"Wife: Ugh, I wish my boobs were bigger. Husband: Try rubbing toilet paper between them. Wife: How would that help? Husband: Well, it seems to be working just fine on your ass."