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Joke of the Day

"Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft... Get tone of A Flat Miner."

"[After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice."

"A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, ""I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..."" ""...and then it was too late."""

"Men live better than women. First of all, they get married later and secondly, they die earlier."

"If I text ""HAITI"" to American Idol, will they send the contestants there?"

"I asked a coworker if she liked Mila Kunis. She said yes and all the better if I call her a whore afterwards. Then I saw her hearing aid."

"Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball!"

"Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh...sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT"

"An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walked into this bar... ..and of course we all know this because they wouldn't shut up about it."

"my favourite one-liner a seal walks into a club."