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Joke of the Day

"How many raisins do I have to add to this bag of M&Ms before it qualifies as trail mix? One? I say one."

"Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors."

"You know that awesome feeling when you finally understand a word problem in math class? Me neither."

"Women belong in the house... ...and the senate too"

"I'm my biggest critic. I'm my strongest critic. I'm my tallest critic. I'm my prettiest critic. who's a good critic. yes you. whose a good c"

"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing."

"How does a woman apologize to a man? I'm sorry, but it's your fault."

"I'm a vegetarian. Subway gave me a Chicken Club. Oops, wrong sub."

"Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium!"

"Did you hear about the lumberjack who worked overtime? He logged a lot of hours."