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Joke of the Day

"I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal."

"I can always tell which waiters are just in it to make money and which are in it for the love of grossly exaggerating how hot plates are."

"One guy says to another Guy 1: Dude one time I stuck my dick in a brownie Guy 2: Bro that's just wrong Guy 1: Yeah, I know. You can do time for statutory."

"If you were antipencil, would you be erasist?"

"The last time I saw my friend Peter he was counting. ""75, 76, 77..."" he said, as he began to walk away. I don't know what he's up to now."

"What did one orphan say to the other orphan? Robin, get in the Batmobile."

"Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth."

"Why are there so many old people in Church? They're cramming for the final."

"A husband says to his wife ""I bet you can't tell me something that will make men both happy and sad."" She says, ""You have the biggest penis out of all of your friends."""

"Never give a Roman a high five. Or he'll give you a HIV."