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Joke of the Day

"If I bought a balloon for $0.99... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?"

"6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub."

"""What you just said reminds me of something completely different I want to talk about."" - Everyone"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To see the poof. Knock Knock? Who's there? The chicken."

"What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain"

"What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game? Mean-opoly."

"Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am"

"People always get disgusted when I say I slept with my teacher... I think it's because I was home schooled."

"If you're feeling lonely, dim the lights and watch a good horror movie. By the end of it, you won't feel like you're alone anymore."

"Can't believe I've already spent $500 on mayonnaise this year."