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Joke of the Day

"So a racist pig, a sexist idiot, and a pot-smoking socialist run for president. I am so sorry America. There is no happy ending here."

"My wife's favourite drink is wine. Which coincidentally, is also her favourite hobby."

"Van Gogh hands a wrapped up box to his girlfriend. ""Vincent, please tell me this isn't another ear."" ""What?"""

"*Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on my counter* LYSOL: ""Hey .1% germs... ( -_-)>- (_) Tell your friends"""

"I don't know what Hitler's favourite drink was. But he sure as hell didn't like juice."

"What has two holes and smells a lot? Your nose"

"Me: Phone a friend Judge: That's not how this works"

"Is it just me Or do you find pressing F5 refreshing?"

"What is a lazy persons favourite exercise routine? Diddly squat."

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""