89758

Joke of the Day

"Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster."

"May I pay you handsomely, good sir? -Why yes you may. *opens wallet* *pulls out Ryan Gosling*"

"What is a Jewish delima? A free ham."

"My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me."

"What do you call a sad cancer patient? Chemo-sobby (kemosabe)"

"Goodnight Moon, you albino m&m looking space-pebble garbage piece of shit"

"How do you pick up a jew? With a dustpan of course!"

"I woke up this morning wearing a red fuzzy wig, giant oversized shoes and a red nose. I think I must have slept funny."

"What's the difference between a Palestinian woman and a Mackerel? ... One is greasy with big eyes. The other's a fish."

"The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds."