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Joke of the Day

"Spend hours getting screaming baby to sleep. Check on sleeping baby. Can't hear breathing...prod sleeping baby Repeat"

"I renamed my iPod to Titanic... it's syncing now!"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And then a table. And then a chair. Another table...."

"My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel."

"i get sad for like an hour and then happy for 5 minutes and then sad for another hour and then happy for 3 minutes omg break ups r real hard"

"Johnny: Will you marry me? Jenny: You have to ask my father first. Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him. Jenny: And what did he say? Johnny: He said he's already married."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere."

"A man went to a meeting for premature ejaculators but when he arrived there was no one there, he'd come too early."

"How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail he'll be de-lighted !"

"First, there was planking, then owling and milking, now there's Harlem Shaking. If the next trend could be thinking, that would be great."