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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a guy who wants to join the mile high club by himself? A high-jacker."

"Send a text to your SO exactly this in commas ""You effect me"" (read comments after you have done so 1st) SO: Don't you mean ""affect?"" You: Yeah i forgot the A-Hole. Sincerely, JM"

"Ran my first 10K this morning. Just kidding I'm on my third donut."

"I'm gonna name my daughter Retarded So I can say yes whenever someone asks me if I am fucking retarded"

"What is a neckbeard's favourite email client? G'mail"

"Why are women so odd? Because they can't even. Huh huh?"

"I got a new stick of deodorant today The instructions said ""Remove cap and push up bottom"". I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely."

"""Time heals all wounds ;)"" - Rattlesnakes"

"How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with ""A man once told me..."""

"Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb? Because, they're so darn stupid!"