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Joke of the Day

"[makes tsk tsk tsk sound with my tongue as wife walks by and sees me looking at the Kim butt pic for the 7th straight day]"

"What's better than cheese? A cheese grater"

"right now mitt romney is trying to put an entire loaf of bread in his mouth"

"*discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse."

"What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken? One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg."

"My brother's pretty good at Russian Roulette... He's only lost once."

"My humour is so black... ... it started picking cotton."

"Katie Price and Osama Bin Laden have topped a poll of most unpopular people to sit next to on a plane, but to be fair, with either one a blow job is guaranteed."

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one hesrs it, Do the squirrels sleep sideways?"

"My girlfriend said I should work on my foreplay. But now I'm at the range she won't stop phoning me."