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Joke of the Day

"What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables? Asparagi!"

"if you press ""up down up down left right left right"" on the soft spot of the baby's head, they do a super move."

"Me: *explains idea* Boss: That's the dumbest idea ever Me:*clears throat* *repeats exact same idea in a British accent* Boss: Brilliant!"

"Having trouble with your iPhone saying ""No Service""? Just put your shirt and shoes back on."

"Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio? And the dashboard, and the windshield..."

"Hey, girl. I noticed you checking out my Hello Kitty socks. Just so you know...the boxers match. *winks*"

"I would like to be an ice cream man It would be a cool job"

"putting 'official' in your username to let all of your 37 followers know it's the real you"

"My initial goal is to get really, really fat and be a contestant on The Biggest Loser."

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing... It just waved."