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Joke of the Day
"My initial goal is to get really, really fat and be a contestant on The Biggest Loser."
Next Joke
"Friday. My second favorite F word."
"Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now - All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again."
"Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts... ... One says to the other ""I wish I could do that"" The other scoffs and replies ""you'd wanna ask him first"""
"You know what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket? Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket!"
"What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grains..."
"Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it."
"Women are like boats I'd rather pay for the occasional ride than go through the hassle of having my own."
"What kind of dog can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador."
"A survey shows that 20% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house and 80% kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.."