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Joke of the Day

"Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening."

"Where do epileptics get pizza? Little Seizures."

"Where's the red light district in Toronto? Behind the Maple Leafs' net."

"A bunch of angry redditors get pissed because of...? (This joke?)"

"I like my women the way I like my wine... 9 years old and locked in my cellar."

"Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street? It was his only chance to see an Oscar"

"me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone"

"Im absolutely exhausted, would you believe I have spent all week road testing penny farthings..... My feet haven't touched the ground."

"Two peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted."

"I'm only leaving the house today so my selfies will have new backgrounds."