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Joke of the Day

"Me: Boss our sales are really going updog. Boss: You mean up? Me: No, updog. Boss: What's updog? Me: Not our sales. We're bankrupt."

"*Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*"

"Why Do Black People Run Fast? Because they have to run 3 kilometers and back everyday to get water."

"Did you hear about the blonde that tried to enter a weightlifting competition? The judges said ""Sorry, we've got enough dumbbells"""

"America was declared the country with most busty people. In the both genders category."

"I'm not saying she's a slut but she's had more people inside her than the statue of liberty!"

"Oral can make your whole day Anal can make your hole weak."

"[Bank] COP: [through megaphone] LET ONE OF THE HOSTAGES GO ROBBER: Okay, who wants out? ME: [spinning on bosses chair] I'm comfortable."

"Being a bigger account doesn't make you a better person. We're all terrible people. We're on twitter. I threw a baby at a fox this morning."

"I recently got a device that can remotely slow down any car And as an added bonus it shows me what speed they're going at too!"