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Joke of the Day

"The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense."

"I once got kicked out of a library... ..because I put a book about women's rights in the fiction section."

"I like my women like I like my sliced meat... Artificial with a bit if fat around the edges."

"I heard England won the Super Bowl... But what would I know, I'm not a big fan of tennis anyways."

"*phone rings* ""Yeh hi who's this? Sure he's here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u."" ""Who is it?"" ""Drastic Times"" *crowd goes wild*"

"where are opie and anthony from? ethiopia"

"What are the cops gonna do? Unrape you?"

"How do you like your eggs? Over here"

"I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell."

"If you are ever cold. If you are ever cold, go to a corner. It's usually 90 degrees."