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Joke of the Day

"*phone rings* ""Yeh hi who's this? Sure he's here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u."" ""Who is it?"" ""Drastic Times"" *crowd goes wild*"

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"Chicago wins World Series for first time since 1908 In other news, Chicago burns to ground for first time since 1871."
"You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar."
"fire works? buddy all fire works haha just some topical humor here on Twitter Online, where anything can happen"
"My walls are closing in. Crawling in my skin my Cell walls are closing in? HELP!"
"[OC] What's Elton John's favorite kind of conditioner? Levon."
"I could solve the energy crisis if there was a way to harness the power of how precisely wrong the airport security line I always pick is."
"I recommend you chickens learn to talk. Nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot."
"I'd like to thank my neighbors Who have always been by my side"
"Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out."