89056

Joke of the Day

"Which wizard can help you tone up your arms and upper body? Dumbbelldor."

"If honey is supposed to be so great for your voice, why does it sound like Winnie the Pooh has been shotgunning bleach?"

"Breastfeeding in public is a great way to get hit on. Especially if you forget to bring your baby."

"How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple"

"I tried to order a Vietnamese sandwich at a restaurant today while I was walking around topless... The staff refused to serve me, and threatened to bahn mi if I came in without a shirt again."

"San Francisco airport has RUG on the floor so I can't ""kickslide"" my bag around. What an embarrassing failure of a city & its people."

"Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? ""Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"""

"Female without the vowels is 'FML'. Need I say more?"

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!"

"[Hospital front desk] ""Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-"" *wife hits me* ""Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"""