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Joke of the Day
"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear zippers."
Next Joke
"Why does a man name his penis? Because he doesn't want a total stranger making 90% of his decisions."
"""Can I get you to-"" YES! ""Great! Here it-"" I'LL DO IT! ""Don't you want to-"" MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO... - Adam Sandler being handed a script"
"When Arnold says the line ""I'll be back"" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help."
"FITBIT: You've done 11k steps today. ME: Ok, I'll rest some. FITBIT: stop now and I'll murder you ME: What? FITBIT: I SAID GOOD FOR YOU!"
"My moral compass just spins."
"What do Ethiopians have in common with Yoko Ono? They both live off dead beetles"
"Why is it called a wonderbra? Because when its opened you wonder where are the boobs"
"During the Oscars ""In Memoriam"" my dad pointed out a lot of Jewish people had died, I told him it isn't surprising, they do tend to die all at once like that."
"A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they're my age then I find out they're OLD!! Like, THIRTY!! So I killed her."