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Joke of the Day

"During the Oscars ""In Memoriam"" my dad pointed out a lot of Jewish people had died, I told him it isn't surprising, they do tend to die all at once like that."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse."

"How come Donald Trump is on the frontpage of Reddit so much? Its all reposts from Hitler"

"If I had a dime for everytime I thought about you... I would definitely think about you"

"*two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*"

"Diner: Waiter please close the window. Waiter: Why is there a draft? Diner: Yes it's blown my steak off the plate three times."

"What's gray squeaky and hangs around in caves ? Stalagmice !"

"If your nervous tick is pointing to the sky then might i suggest not going to auctions anymore."

"I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Whats the worse thing about getting a blowjob from an anorexic girl? They never swallow."