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Joke of the Day

"(Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie."

"We shouldn't point out other people's grammar mistakes because one day it will be you're turn. Yore turn. You are turn. Goddamn it."

"What's the best drug to have sex on? Birth control."

"What is the most romantic city in England? Loverpool!"

"What do you call an Alligator in a vest? An Investigator"

"What is the first thing a blind man says? My eyes! My eyes!"

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to ""please pull up to the window."""

"You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about shit ....?"

"In order to save money I installed a sound chip into my wallet. Now when it opens it plays a song by Creed so I quickly have to close it."

"When I was young I was worried about getting food stuck in my teeth. Now I'm worried about getting my teeth stuck in food."