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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I can't come to your thing tonight, I'm too busy figuring out an excuse about why I can't come to your thing next week"

"sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i'm not a real cop but no one told me i'm pretty today"

"*sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the golf club wielding maniac."

"Wanna Hear a Joke My Ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER... Ge-Get because marriage is such a terrible thing. -Grucle Stan"

"Did you know that nuns have to eat a banana with a knife and fork?"

"What did capital 'O' say to capital 'Q'? ""Hey, put that thing back in your trousers!"""

"i made up a joke once one day i made up a joke, but i am lactose intolerant and so i died"

"I submitted several play on words to a competition, hoping one will bring me victory.... Unfortunately, no pun in ten did"

"Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar."