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Joke of the Day

"Little Johnny (x-post /r/AntiJokes) The Mailman saw Little Johnny on the side of the street with an old coffee can. Mailman: What have you got in that can there? Johnny: dogshit Mailman: what the fuck"

"I'd do well in a zombie apocalypse because I'm near sighted, get cramps if I don't get enough potassium and my only skill is googling things"

"Why does the disinterested Italian man have perfect skin? Because he's aloof-a"

"A zendetta is when you launch a blood feud against a killer who murdered your entire family, but remain pretty chill about the whole thing."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am, can you fucking believe that, 2:30am. Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes."

"[at my comedy central roast after every joke] That's not true"

"NATURAL BLONDE Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair? A: Artifical intelligence."

"You know what a Rhetorical Joke is?"

"What's a blind man doing on a boat? Waiting for a bus."

"How do you sink the Polish navy? Put it in water"