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Joke of the Day

"*sticks hand into jean pocket* Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket? *checks other pocket and finds nuggets* Oh, ok."

"I finally understood handling printers. LOL"

"My favorite part of going out on the weekend is the 95% of it spent checking my phone."

"A little girl was next in line. 'My name's Curtain' she said. 'I hope your first name is not Agnate ?' 'No it's velvet !'"

"It's called ""personal grooming"" as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger."

"What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader."

"Don't have phone sex.... You could get hearing aids."

"I'm sick of women staring at my spaceship. It's like, HELLO, my tentacles are up here!"

"How do you kill a one-legged fox? Make him run across Canada."

"Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?"