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Joke of the Day

"*sticks hand into jean pocket* Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket? *checks other pocket and finds nuggets* Oh, ok."

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"My wife is a lot like a facebook post... Lots of people like her, she gets lots of comments, she has been shared by thousands of people, and she may be viral."

"You guys hear about that mathematics student who was flunking? He only understood his field to a degree and decided to look at it from a new angle."

"Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop."

"I gave my dad a two handed high-five once when I was 10. I had to spend the next 12 years convincing him I wasn't gay."

"Goats have it all figured out. All disputes should be settled with an aggressive series of headbutts."

"You think you're not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles."

"Q: Why did the invisible man look in the mirror? A: To make sure he still wasn't there."

"I'd slap you but I'm pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty."