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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache."

"Where do Muslims go when they die? Everywhere"

"Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50"

"The Russians will probably do well at the World Cup. Today Vladimir Putin gave the Russian team a motivational speech. He said, ""Remember, if you can't beat 'em invade 'em."""

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."""

"Why is Kfc always out of toilet paper? Because it is Finger Lickin' Good."

"What does it mean when a girl likes a 12 inch dick? She has a foot fetish. :D"

"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."

"Out here in Compton searching for Wiggachu #PokemonGo"

"I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren't going anywhere."