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Joke of the Day

"""I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed"" -haunted house designer"

"What do you get when you cross a mountain and a desert? Very tired feet."

"Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin...no matter how epic it is"

"April showers bring May flowers Mayflowers bring Smallpox."

"Wife: My family is coming over. Me: ....? Wife: PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!"

"Area man gains z axis, becomes volume man, won't stop yelling"

"[NSFW] What do they say after intercourse in Alabama? ""Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my smokes!"""

"Why don't nice people ride the train? Because they're usually found on trucks."

"A bumblebee, a spelling bee and a vitamin B got in a fight The vitamin B1"

"As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes"