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Joke of the Day

"Girl, you're like my iPhone... I just wanna tap you the night away, without any regards of time."

"I like my women like I like my ice cream, Rich, creamy, and in my freezer."

"Guess what came in the mail today I did, I ran out of tissue."

"Fuck! I forgot to bring my reusable bag to Whole Foods. People are throwing rocks. I'm bleeding. Send help."

"Friend: I got a job as a carpenter, but it sucks. Me: No prob, just learn a few magic tricks and people will worship you as their savior."

"What sucks about being black and jewish? You gotta stand at the back of the oven! Edit: I was at an [7] when typing this and fucked it up. It is better now. oven was bus. Changed bus to oven."

"To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either."

"Your secret is safeish with me"

"How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box."

"""Doctor, I'm afraid of people yelling letters of the alphabet at me."" THERAPIST: Oh! You are? WHY???"