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Joke of the Day

"Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer."

"Why does Santa Clause have such a big sack? He only comes once a year."

"Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks."

"How does a Jew make his tea? Hebrews it!"

"Tell me your story, park-giant-truck-diagonally guy. Things will never get better if we don't dialogue."

"If a douchebag bungee jumps is it called a Bro-Yo?"

"Of course, Lil' Wayne isn't his real name. It's Lillian Waynard."

"I went on a date with a dolphin today, we just clicked."

"Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock."

"I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams."