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Joke of the Day

"Think I nailed my job interview today because I wore a graduation cap to make it look like I graduated high school"

"[Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next..."

"What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sandwich."

"[reading test results] ""It looks like you're gonna be just fine"" [nurse whispers in ear] ""Lol my bad u got like 6 weeks"" -Steve Harvey M.D."

"Why could Frankenstein's Monster not have children? Because his nuts were in his neck!"

"I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake."

"If horse jockeys have to be tiny just imagine how small disk jockeys have to be. I'll see myself out."

"My kids and this punchline have a lot in common. They're both a disappointment."

"What do you get when you have sex with the Quaker Oats guy? Oatmeal Creme Pies."

"ME: Honey, I bought a Pet Rock WIFE: A WHAT? ME: Shhh, you'll make him nervous DWAYNE JOHNSON: *already peeing all over the carpet*"