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Joke of the Day
"Why do people in Afghanistan air dry after they shower? Because of the towel ban"
Next Joke
"""Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""I said... Here's Ted with the weather."" ""..."" ""Ted?"" ""THAT's what an unanswered text feels like, Sue."""
"Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun."
"Kids are so inquisitive. ""Will robots ever take over the world?"" Me: ""Almost certainly."" ""But when? Before I die?"" ""A bit before, yes."""
"I don't mean to brag but 14 bots are hitting on me and I've already received 72 viruses. -- Nerds"
"Pretty cool you had a healthy meal while I was eating the icing off an entire cake."
"Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours"
"Went to Whole Foods today, because we needed $157 worth of pesto and breads that will be stale in an hour."
"Just fyi, if you're girlfriend asks you if she should lose some weight... ""I love you through thick and thin"" is not an appropriate response."
"I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I'm a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight"