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Joke of the Day

"They planned the date when the Burj Khalifa would be finished in advance... They wanted to know when it'd be due by"

"Please be patient...I'm fcuking things up as fast as I can."

"Since I can't afford porn, I just turn on tennis and shut my eyes."

"I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones."

"[Commercial for hobbies] Like drugs for people who don't do drugs. ""HOBBIES"""

"Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple store? For the watch"

"In a recent interview, Heather Mills was asked why she thought Paul McCartney was still famous. She said she was stumped."

"Old meaning of sorry. ""I won't do it again."" New meaning of sorry. ""Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."""

"I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me."

"The first Matrix director coming out as a trans-woman felt bold, unexpected and original.... .... the second one? Ehh... not so much."