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Joke of the Day

"Twentieth Century Fox should really consider updating their name."

"Cat burglar: Quietly steals all your valuables Dog burglar: Eats your ham, sleeps in bed with you for awhile, wakes you up to go out at 3am"

"Whats the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates."

"I'll have a Venti Vodka please."

"What do math majors get when they graduate? A radian. Math majors don't use degrees."

"Why does Harlem have so many trees? Public transportation."

"A big thank you to all local DJs who play marijuana themed music at 4:20. You're doing god's work."

"Why did the police chief tell his officers to show up 15 minutes early to the political demonstration? To beat the crowds."

"My doctor just told me I'm suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what he was thinking."

"It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties."