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Joke of the Day

"A big thank you to all local DJs who play marijuana themed music at 4:20. You're doing god's work."

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME (inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk): I thought u'd never ask"

"Fact Every 60 seconds in Ukraine a minute passes"

"What's the difference between toilet paper and toast? Toast is brown on both sides."

"Why did the dog wear white sneakers ? Because his boots were at the menders !"

"Why do melons tend to have large weddings? They cantaloupe"

"What did Maxwell Smart Say the first time.... What did Maxwell Smart Say the first time he butt fucked 99? Missed it by that much."

"How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer!"

"What do you call a castrated male chicken that runs an illegal moonshine business? Al Capon"

"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid ""why I'm late"" story."