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Joke of the Day

"I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle. So I fixed it with scotch tape."

"What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos? A messycan"

"Funny Lance Armstrong Joke I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike."

"Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, ""We don't serve breakfast here."""

"Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive? A: Because she's dead."

"WIFE: [crying] guess what my sister just told me ME: she's a liar WIFE: are you saying her dog didn't die? ME: [wiping sweat] I love you"

"When I killed a... When I killed a honeybee dad told me no honey for a week. When I killed a butterfly he said no butter for a week. Well mom just killed a cockroach, should I tell her for you?"

"I dislike the word ""kidnapping""... I prefer ""surprise adoption""."

"Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?"

"A scientist claims to have 100,000 pieces of evidence that Bigfoot exists. How about one, a f#cking Bigfoot??"