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Joke of the Day

"What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli"

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now"

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it came from."

"*rolls up sleeves* *gets high on sleeves*"

"Cop: ""Can you describe the person who robbed you?"" Me: ""He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"""

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."

"What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're? ad homonym"

"What's the difference between Comcast and hell ... Hell has better customer service."

"My daughter just said, ""Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads."" She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now."

"[funeral] ok I need everyone over 70 to gather for the bouquet toss"