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Joke of the Day

"[bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us"

"*Detective stands over murder victim* This looks like a case of... *Takes off sunglasses* *Removes contacts* *Brushes teeth* *Goes to bed*"

"I like my hot wings like I like my Holy Infants... ...tender and mild."

"Two ninjas were having an argument Two ninjas were arguing over which one was the better ninja. The first says, ""Man, you can't even throw a ninja star."" The second ninja says, ""Shuriken."""

"""Tired"" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point."

"So how do you stop eating the endless breadsticks at Olive Garden does the restaurant close or are you supposed to bring a spotter with you?"

"Kardashian How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. They just hold it up because the world revolves around them."

"Murderman V. Another Murderman: Dawn of Murdering #BatmanvSuperman"

"What's the best part of Chinese food? The 4/10 cookie"

"The road to Hell is paved with everything that feels like Heaven."