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Joke of the Day

"How to piss me off: rearrange the grocery store. How to send me into a psychotic rage: rearrange the liquor store."

"An ugly foul smelling creature walks into a bar and the bartender says ""You should be at the dump!"" The creature shakes its head. ""Nah, they don't want a redditor either."""

"Why is the white girl so odd? Because she can't even. I'll be over in /r/dadjokes if you need me."

"why don't programmers like nature? because it has too many bugs"

"Bad luck today, I have a bout of food poisioning AND I dropped my Galaxy Note 7 in the toilet by mistake :( Talk about explosive diarrhea."

"Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com? Yes but I found it very difficult to get into."

"David Cameron's legacy David Cameron will go down in history as the man who fucked up his campaign, fucked up his job, and fucked up a dead pig."

"I hate forensic TV shows like CSI. I know for a fact that they are completely unrealistic... I mean come on, women detectives?"

"Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture? The Ottoman Empire."

"Q: Why did the invisible man look in the mirror? A: To make sure he still wasn't there."