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Joke of the Day

"Bad luck today, I have a bout of food poisioning AND I dropped my Galaxy Note 7 in the toilet by mistake :( Talk about explosive diarrhea."

"Audible be sponsoring so many YouTube channels you could go to ""Audible.com/ "" and type in any word you want and it would give you a free book"

"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu"

"At a job interview: Interviewer: What are some of your weaknesses? Applicant: I'm lazy I: that's it? A: I'm lazy to list them all..."

"Really not sure why people tell me to ""be honest"" then get all upset when I tell them their eyebrows need a divorce. *shrugs*"

"Did somebody unplug Brazil's controller?"

"Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you"

"I wish I had one original thought in life. Don't be sorry, everyone does."

"Donald trumps next book should be called ... The gift of the grab."