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Joke of the Day
"why does the NSA hate blizzards? Because they get Snowden."
Next Joke
"Me: You'll always be my girl. Daughter: Even if I break stuff? Me: Depends on which stuff."
"I got a new car for my wife! It was a great trade!"
"I lost my virginity when I was in high school, which was awesome... however I was home schooled."
"I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him."
"If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page."
"Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you."
"Me: Read this tweet. Wife: Sure. Me: Is it racist? Wife: No. Me: Sexist? Wife: No. Me: Is it offensive at all? Wife: No. Me: *deletes tweet*"
"The sweater you left is in the closet. just like you."
"I bet unscary monsters like to hang out at the back of marathons and imagine all the athletes are running from them."