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Joke of the Day

"""even if my client did kill his wife, think of the 7.4 billion people he DIDN'T kill."" - my first and last day as a defense attorney"

"Secretly killing birds and making It look like a suicide - Windexter."

"The original Karate Kid is currently the same age as Mr. Miyagi was in the movie, 51. My youth just got crane kicked in the bean bag."

"Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to."

"The way you feel while mumbling through that part of the song you don't know is how I feel about all my life decisions."

"You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows."

"My go-to joke What's blue and fucks grannies? Me in my lucky blue coat! (helps if you say it with a biiiig smile and a little dance)"

"Why did the Origami Artist never win a poker match? Because he will always fold."

"Steve Irwin should have wore sunblock... ... to prevent against harmful rays."

"Will anyone on Facebook ever have the guts to let everyone else know they married their ""best friend""?"