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Joke of the Day

"I don't like the idea of having to go on in a world where good people like Robin Williams is no longer with us, but Justin Beiber is still alive and well."

"What do ya call an overweight Scottish pigeon .... A fat coo... Im here all week."

"When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world."

"If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself."

"LPT: If you feel cold, stand in a corner They're usually around 90 degrees"

"It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts."

"Being old is like being in prison... It hurts to bend over."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"Do you know this new perfume called 'A Christmas Miracle? Well, on christmas eve, put a finger in your ass, &nbsp; If it smells good it's a christmas miracle "

"I feel the same away about the porn industry that I do about the meat industry. They both make great things, but I wish they treated the meat a little better."