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Joke of the Day

"I lost two things today. My virginity.. ..and my job at the morgue."

"I thought it was sweet that the Democratic debate maintained a Paris related theme... The whole debate was Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley Eiffel Towering Hillary Clinton."

"""R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to pee"" - Urethra Franklin"

"Since 1782, at the age of 12, Beethoven was composing some of the greatest music ever, of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing."

"My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday."

"What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?"

"What does Paddy Irishman says when he meets a one legged jockey? How're you gettin' on?"

"What's an algebra teachers favorite animal? A grr-affe http://metalinjection.junipconcepts.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Giraffe-Tongue-Orchestra.jpg?1fed28"

"*gets lockjaw when putting on eyeliner*"

"I used to be a narcissist... ...but now look at me."