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Joke of the Day

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the cutest of them all? the mirror laughed & made a grunt & said ""not you, you ugly c*nt."

"My friend is an idiot. Both of us spot a gorgeous woman standing about 30 feet away. Friend: What should I do? Me: Court her. Friend: Dude, I don't have any change..."

"""That'll be $15.99 please"" ""Do you take giant revolving badgers?"" *cashier grabs me by the throat* ""We ONLY take giant revolving badgers"""

"Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one if he's got a good crew to do it."

"Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.- Pavlov's Dog"

"A dick has the saddest life He is put in a dark room, banged againts the walls until it throws up and is unconcious"

"Trump keeps talking about restoring ""law and order."" I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly."

"[posing for mugshot] ""now turn forward"" [flash] lemme see"

"I was called a village idiot today which really upset me. I live in a city."

"*hears someone breaking in* *grabs gun and walks down hallway* *cord drags* *realizes I grabbed Nintendo gun from Duck Hunt* *gets shot*"