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Joke of the Day

"My Ex told me I overanalyse things... I'd believe her but she uses that excuse 19.3% of the time."

"Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids!"

"Why did everyone think the pie was gay? Because he blueberry."

"He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick."

"I used the word ""procreate"" at work today... ... and a pregnant girl asked me what it meant."

"Is my kid an official US Citizen if she just talked about how good the ranch dressing at the Cheesecake Factory is for 10mins?"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't usually fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"What do a coffee pot, Irene, and the reigning Stanley Cup champions have in common? They're a-Brew'in!"

"What did the bully say when he threw Michael J. Fox out of a 10 story window? Marty Mc. FLyyyyyyyyy!"

"Why did Mrs. Grape leave Mr. Grape? She was tired of raisin kids."