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Joke of the Day

"Trump keeps talking about restoring ""law and order."" I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly."

"So anyone know how much a Polar Bear weighs? About enough to break the ice..........."

"How many eskimos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Obviously."

"When you find a body beneath your floorboards is it face up or face down that's good luck?"

"FUN FACT: Hitler used to say goodbye to people, then come back into the room for something and make everyone awkwardly say goodbye again."

"Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity."

"What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger"

"Picture the perfect woman. Wrong. You're a guy. You're always wrong."

"I had a near-life experience...I nearly quit Facebook."

"At 14 I asked my dad about a tattoo. He said ok as long as I got it someplace that doesn't matter. So I got it in Detroit."