229062

Joke of the Day

"*hears someone breaking in* *grabs gun and walks down hallway* *cord drags* *realizes I grabbed Nintendo gun from Duck Hunt* *gets shot*"

"What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky I'll show myself out."

"My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now. I said, ""there's gotta be strings attached."""

"My friend never shuts up about lemon-lime flavored, caffeine-free sodas To sprite our differences we're still good friends."

"For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving."

"I work at a UPS store where we employ mentally challenged people It has its ups and downs."

"Don't lye. It makes you basic."

"I saw a woman with a lower back tattoo that said ""Classy"" and my brain leaked out of my ear."

"What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up it's sweater ? Warren !"

"Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says."