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Joke of the Day

"[meeting the parents] Do you have one in blonde?"

"Was going to make a joke about my paycheck... Turns out I have insufficient puns"

"The Final Jeopardy category is: Beer. The answer is: It's f**king close to water. The correct question is: Why is Bud Lite like having sex in a sailboat?"

"16 sodium atoms walks into a bar.... followed by Batman."

"I play Nickelback real loud all day so crickets can listen to something annoying when they try to sleep"

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"TRUMP: I'm building a wall to keep Mexicans out. AMERICANS: I'm going to Canada if Trump is elected. CANADIANS: We need to build a wall."

"A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat... The bartender yells, ""Hey, give that back!"""

"I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like ""Ugh, tourists""."

"ME: Ok, that's everything in the dishwasher *closes dishwasher door* *turns it on* *turns around* TEASPOON: You're not gonna believe this"